Tuesday, January 4, 2011

well...the verdict

Today's puzzle piece was very different than I expected.  I had steeled myself for the news of a tumor.  For surgery.  For a possible answer to Dave's pain--or for even the worst news.  Mostly, I was hopeful this was the beginning of some treatment to solve this mess.  Instead, we got nothin.

Thankfully--the CT scan showed NO mass, and therefore NO cancer!  This is something to rejoice about, and I thank our God for this good news.  However, Dave's dear doctor, the only one who didn't just pass him off, who said they would get to the bottom of this...is out of ideas.  He put Dave on a course of meds that may be a possible maintenance plan, and referred him to a chiropractor he trusts.  Otherwise, he can't help Dave any more.

When Dave gave me the news I should have done a happy dance.  No cancer.  No surgery to face.  But I felt so deflated.  Cause now we feel like we have nowhere to turn.  Are we to just accept this as his life for ever more?  As I told my fellow church staff members the news (we were in a meeting when I got the call) I began crying.  Not the reaction of someone relieved that her husband does not have cancer!  How embarrassing.  But I felt like I was grieving a bit--grieving the loss of the hope I had that this was the answer.  Grieving the hope of another treatment.  Feeling a bit hopeless.

My tears were graciously met with compassion from my coworkers.  After venting to them, and crying off all of my makeup, I felt a bit better.  I looked terrible and I had a splitting headache, but I felt better.  I think by talking it out, I got some perspective.  My hubby is not dying, and even if he has to spend the majority of his days laid up...I still have a relationship with him.  We will need to rethink the way we do life perhaps--but we will be doing it together.

I am grateful.  This is Good--of this I'm confident.  Even if I shed a few tears, my trust is in the Redeemer.


kimsilver said...

I love you, and I love Dave. I know God will carry you through this--He has been faithful before, and He will be faithful again. I am trusting this.

Becky said...

I will keep you and your husband (and family) in my prayers. I went through testing years ago and the doctors found nothing. while I was relieved it was nothing serious I felt discouraged b/c I just wanted some answers. I do admire and appreciate your honesty in your post.

BTW- I LOVED your puzzle piece blog post from the other day. It really spoke to me. :) Thanks!

Press on!!!

Craig said...

You are a brave woman. God bless you and your hubs. If there is a "new normal" I pray that you guys adjust. This is just so much emotion to deal with - and as I said - you are brave - tears are outlets, not a lack of bravery. God Bless

Karen said...

Oh, Dawn, I'm so sorry there's no answer. Just an idea, has your hubbie looked into a chiropractor? Some are really good. Will continue in prayer. Blessings***

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I'm so sorry that you don't have answers but I'm thankful that you're choosing to see the good and focus on that.

So sorry.

Lea said...

I am so sorry that you did not get an answer. I have not been in as bad of shape as your husband but I spent a year in so much back pain that I could hardly stand it. It affected everything I tried to do. I saw Drs. specializing in the back, and other Drs. and they all said "nothing wrong." I wanted to scream! I finally asked my cousin who is a Radiologist what I should do and he said you need a Chiropractor. It was the best advice I had gotten. I began treatment in Feb. and it was about 3 months before I started feeling any benefits and it got steadily and steadily better and by Aug I was pain free. I also got an Inversion Table. I still see the Chiropractor twice a month for maintanence and have doing marvelously well. I wish the same for your husband!

Thinking of both of you in a special way and praying God's best for you.

lara said...

Praying our God's abundant grace to overwhelm you both in this time.

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