Ten years ago today we lost our precious son.
I've been wanting to write about my sweet Aidan for a long time, but haven't known where to start. So today, on the anniversary of his heavenly homegoing, it's time. I must confess that I'm afraid to write about him in some ways, because I know there is no way to capture in words how special he was, all his life has meant to me, how I've grown because I was his mom. I don't think I'll ever be able to articulate how proud I am to be his mommy. My utterings will not do him justice...so I trust that you will read between the lines and get to know him, us, and the God who sustains us a little better. Perhaps. Most of all, I pray our story is one that gives HOPE, to others walking their own difficult path...that God is faithful. That He really can redeem a terrible situation and make it Good.
This is bound to be a series of posts. So today I guess I'll start with an overview. Aidan David was born at 35 weeks with multiple birth defects on May 24, 1999. A few of his problems we knew about in advance through ultrasound. Many more were discovered at birth. It had been a rough pregnancy--as we tried to prepare our hearts to meet this little guy who would be so different than our dreams for a healthy baby, as well as navigate all that his problems meant for me physically while he was in the womb. I had many tests, ultrasounds, two amnios, many doctors appointments, surgeon consultations, debates over delivery methods, pre-term labor, bedrest, meds, late night trips to the hospital and worst of all, two hospital admissions complete with iv magnesium sulfate (if you've had it, you know...it's like being microwaved) desperately trying to keep him in.
We were told that everything that was wrong with his little body was "fixable" or things he could live with. So, within a day of being born, Aidan began his journey of many procedures and surgeries to "fix" his little body. He spent his entire life in the hospital, and eventually died from complications of open heart surgery at age 4 months, six days. Ten years ago today.
And although we were SO scared and unsure about our life to come with a special needs child, there wasn't the slightest doubt in our hearts that we wanted him. We loved him so much. Everyone did. His fighting spirit and bright eyes endeared him to all he met. We looked forward to the day where we could tell him his story. The story of how God performed miracles on his behalf. The story of what a fighter he was. Of the challenges overcome. We looked forward to having him tell us what it was like to be Aidan. And to sharing the days ahead--challenging as they might be--together. Trusting God together. And holding him. Yeah...and holding him.
It was not to be. Instead, he completed his earthly tour in just over 4 months. He accomplished the purpose for his life in that short time.
Since that day, he is the only one of my children that I don't need to worry about. I take great comfort in knowing he is eternally safe and completely whole. But I miss him so.
10 years. wow.
To read more about Aidan, click here.