Do we dare to hope?
This is what has been going through my head this morning since my hubby said these words to me, "You know, I think the pains shots might be working...".
If you've read theGoodlife much, you know that hubby has been dealing with frustrating and often debilitating back pain for over a year. We've tried different doctors, different meds, different procedures to no avail. We've been excited by potential solutions, only to have them disappoint.
And you see, pain is not just physical pain. It drains. It is depressing. All four of us have found ourselves more than frustrated, more than once. It eats at our family life, at our ability to enjoy things together. It eats at relationships, cause the energy goes to surviving. It steals moments we thought were a given.
Last week, hubby had yet another procedure. Pain shots into a different area--the joints between ribs and vertebrae. (Did you know those were joints? Me either.) He spent a miserable week off of ibuprofen in preparation. He spent the five days after the procedure in worse pain than before. Stink. Another procedure that didn't seem to be helping. Doc said it could still be normal for it not to be working yet. Don't give up hope yet. OK.
And then Tuesday it wasn't terrible. And then yesterday was pretty good. And then his words this morning...
"Thank you God" was my verbal response.
The response in my heart was different. It was guarded. Protecting itself from more disappointment. Do I dare hope we've found the answer or at least part of the answer? Or do I steal myself for what might come in a day or a week?
I understand why I feel this way. I bet you do too. I bet you've been there in one circumstance or another...wondering if you dare to hope? It feels like a normal response, but I'm not sure if it's the right one.
I know the Author of Hope. Shouldn't I be able to hope freely at the words I've longed to hear? At the slight smile on hubby's face?
I am not going to wrap up this post with an answer to those questions. I want to hear what you have to say...and I'll keep thinking on it myself.
(by the way, didn't plan to blog again so soon after closing my laptop, but I felt free to blurt this out this morning...)