I haven't held him for a decade...

Ten years ago today we lost our precious son.

I've been wanting to write about my sweet Aidan for a long time, but haven't known where to start. So today, on the anniversary of his heavenly homegoing, it's time. I must confess that I'm afraid to write about him in some ways, because I know there is no way to capture in words how special he was, all his life has meant to me, how I've grown because I was his mom. I don't think I'll ever be able to articulate how proud I am to be his mommy. My utterings will not do him justice...so I trust that you will read between the lines and get to know him, us, and the God who sustains us a little better. Perhaps. Most of all, I pray our story is one that gives HOPE, to others walking their own difficult path...that God is faithful. That He really can redeem a terrible situation and make it Good.

This is bound to be a series of posts. So today I guess I'll start with an overview. Aidan David was born at 35 weeks with multiple birth defects on May 24, 1999. A few of his problems we knew about in advance through ultrasound. Many more were discovered at birth. It had been a rough pregnancy--as we tried to prepare our hearts to meet this little guy who would be so different than our dreams for a healthy baby, as well as navigate all that his problems meant for me physically while he was in the womb. I had many tests, ultrasounds, two amnios, many doctors appointments, surgeon consultations, debates over delivery methods, pre-term labor, bedrest, meds, late night trips to the hospital and worst of all, two hospital admissions complete with iv magnesium sulfate (if you've had it, you know...it's like being microwaved) desperately trying to keep him in.

We were told that everything that was wrong with his little body was "fixable" or things he could live with. So, within a day of being born, Aidan began his journey of many procedures and surgeries to "fix" his little body. He spent his entire life in the hospital, and eventually died from complications of open heart surgery at age 4 months, six days. Ten years ago today.

And although we were SO scared and unsure about our life to come with a special needs child, there wasn't the slightest doubt in our hearts that we wanted him. We loved him so much. Everyone did. His fighting spirit and bright eyes endeared him to all he met. We looked forward to the day where we could tell him his story. The story of how God performed miracles on his behalf. The story of what a fighter he was. Of the challenges overcome. We looked forward to having him tell us what it was like to be Aidan. And to sharing the days ahead--challenging as they might be--together. Trusting God together. And holding him. Yeah...and holding him.

It was not to be. Instead, he completed his earthly tour in just over 4 months. He accomplished the purpose for his life in that short time.

Since that day, he is the only one of my children that I don't need to worry about. I take great comfort in knowing he is eternally safe and completely whole. But I miss him so.

10 years. wow.

To read more about Aidan, click here.

scooby-dooby-doo, where are you?

In my purse. That's right. Scooby is in my purse. Well...at least his head is. Right next to my wallet and lip balm and the silly putty, of course.

On Tuesdays, Emily at Chatting at the Sky challenges us to unwrap the blessings in the midst of the ordinariness of life. Today I am unwrapping these little silly reminders that Bubba isn't totally all grown up yet.

My kids are old enough now (13 and 8) that the days of shoving a pull up, some wipes, a snack and a sippy cup into my bag in order to leave the house are long gone...I'm happy to say that they both use the bathroom themselves, and they are able to be content (ish) at the grocery store without a little baggie of cheerios. While the good outweighs the bad of this stage of life...it's a little sad just the same.

So, as I dig around in my purse under my seat in the dark at the Women of Faith conference this past weekend in pursuit of a pen and my hand grasps a plastic silly putty egg...I smile. My little guy isn't so little anymore...but he still shoves a toy or two in my purse. In case of a boredom emergency I guess. He's always prepared. He should be a boy scout.

I could get frustrated that I am carrying around an ever-increasing collection of boy-stuff--or I could choose to smile, and embrace these mini Bubba souveniers. I choose to smile.

And every now and then, remove a few little treasures from my purse.

And hope Scooby's head is reunited with his body soon...cause it's just a wee bit creepy.

ps. I invite you back tomorrow. It's a special day for me and I'm posting about it.

all fancy-schmancy

I added a little signature to my blog using this tutorial from Funky Junk Interiors. Thanks for the tutorial, I am not too good with all this new-fangled technology stuff. :)

How do you like it?

Operation Organization--Week Seven and counting...

I have been organizing with Melinda for several weeks...tackling one small project each week. It's been fun and it's almost done (the challenge, not all the chaotic spots in my home)...maybe we need another 8 weeks, Melinda??

This week (actually today) I tackled my nightstand, which I had let explode all over the place the last few months. Once again, the sorting revealed too much stuff for the space (sensing a pattern here). So once that stuff was taken to it's new and more appropriate home...and a container or two were added from around the house...voila!!

Much better, oui? (throwing a little french at ya today apparently).

This week is full and I'm not going to be around next Friday or Saturday to post...so I considered not commiting to a project this week...but why stop now, right? So I picked something small...my medicine cabinet. Things regularly fall on me when I try to extract a package of medicine...and when you aren't feeling well, who really needs that??

Here is what it looks like now:

and I really want to replace it of course...but for now, I'll focus on straightening it out.

That's all for now my organizing friends...if you are playing along, keep up the good work! If you want to check out some other organizing befores and afters click here.