Thursday, April 29, 2010
I can't let this day pass without acknowledging it's significance to our family. One year ago today my sister Kerry gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Sadie Grace. I was in the waiting room, but my heart was in the delivery room, aching so deeply for my sister. You see, we already knew that Sadie had moved on to her heavenly home. As we held her precious body that day, and kissed her, and admired her, she was already resting in Jesus' arms.
I felt so sad, and so numb. This was a little too familiar. It had been almost 10 years since we had said hello to our little boy Aidan, only to say goodbye to him 4 short months later. I couldn't believe that my sister and brother-in-law were experiencing the same grief we had endured. I couldn't believe my mom and dad had to say goodbye to another grandchild, and watch another daughter grieve.
But regardless of all the complicated emotions I felt a year ago today, what I KNEW was that God would walk them--us--through. That the evil of the situation would not be able to harm them. That amazingly, when facing a parent's worst nightmare, they would not be swallowed up. Sadie wasn't the only one being held by our loving God--we all were. The song "Held" by Natalie Grant captures what we experienced when we lost Aidan, and what I trusted Kerry and Jeff would experience too. The chorus says:
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held
Yes, we had been held. I specifically remember during Aidan's life the feeling of Someone outside myself holding me up as bad news threatened to consume me. I remember the comfort of Jesus' arms as I sat on my couch each day for months and cried and missed my boy. The holding is very real. And I'm so thankful. That I experienced it myself, and could hang on to the fact that Kerry would experience it too. It was that Hope that propelled me through the blur of days surrounding Sadie's death.
I don't understand why Aidan and Sadie didn't get to stay with us...but I do know that God used their lives to change us, to mold us and to tenderize us. He is a redeemer, and is redeeming the suffering. We choose to accept the loss of these precious ones as Big-G-Good, in spite of the pain of the choice. With our hearts soft towards Him, He allows us to see glimpses of the reality of the Good.
We love and miss you, sweet Sadie. Until we see you again, enjoy the love and joy of our Savior.