Unwrapping on Tuesday.

Tuesdays Unwrapped at Emily's Chatting at the Sky reminds us to see the little things we might overlook as gifts to be unwrapped and enjoyed.

I had my Tuesday moment on a Monday.  (is that cheating?)  Hubby had a board meeting tonight, so the kids and I had an early dinner on the way home from our afternoon.  When we arrived home at 5:30, the sun was threatening to sink below the mountains any minute, but it was still light out. Thank you daylight savings time, (even though I want my hour of sleep back)!  Pickle asked her brother if he wanted to play outside in the yard for a while. (muh huh?  Did I hear that right??)  It surprised me.  Even though they like each other most of the time, they do get on each other's nerves as all siblings do.  They usually choose to play with each other as a last resort. Yet, without any prodding from me, they happily ran outside.  I heard them laughing and quickly grabbed my camera to snap some shots.

Today, I am unwrapping this:

and this

(notice the awesome action shot--Pickle kicked off her shoe when she kicked the ball)

and this

Nothing to take for granted here.

Thankful on Monday.

It's Monday, and time for my thankful post--you know, the one where I list some of the 1000 gifts I'm committed to documenting.  Only I must confess that my pace is slowing down--I'm forgetting to document  as much lately.  I think it's cause I'm in a busy season...but isn't that the time it is most crucial?  When we are busy, the habit to intentionally slow down and notice and be grateful is most important.  Or else we'll miss it all.   So, I'm pressing on.  I hope you do too.

Here's a few from my list this week:

#206   My new office configuration.  I work at our church, and my "office" is really just a desk in the church office.  For the last three years it has been configured in such a way that it is very easy for me to see the whole office, and anybody who comes in can see me.  I'm friendly.  I'm chatty. There are lots of visitors.  You can do the math--my desk was distracto-land for me.  For a long while, I've wanted to switch the whole thing around, but it was fairly involved and had a domino affect on the rest of the office space.  But this week we went for it--and now I have my own little hole.  (I like to call it my "office").  I really like it--it helps me focus more.  And since this is a busy time of year...focus is good.

Here is the whole thing in process--boy I can cause a mess!

Here is it done...yes, we need to do a little somethin' with that green wall.  Can you tell I sit behind there?

From the inside of my hole--excuse the mess, I'm working hard!  Notice at the top of the picture the door to the whole office.  Notice the wall between me and the door.  This = good.

#207   Sudoku.  Really, it's on my list.  (Although, I do have a mental block and call it Soduko sometimes.)  Do you like these little puzzles?   I have a little book on my nightstand and when I'm awake and need to be asleep, I do a few.  I'm getting sleepy and fighting altzeimer's at the same time!  Who says multi-tasking doesn't work?

#222.   Heat.  I was awake in the middle of the night.  I snuggled under my warm covers and heard the furnace kick on.  I knew that meant heat was now pumping through our home.  I'm thankful for a warm home, and heat that comes on automatically to keep it that way.  The fact that I thought of that in the middle of the night makes me think this grateful habit is working...

As always, I'd love to know what you are grateful for...

better living through chemistry

Hello dear bloggies.

First things first,  it's March 12th, and I want to say happy birthday to my dear mother-in-law, Barb!  I couldn't ask for a more loving or generous or kind person to be my mother-in-law.  I love you Barb, and look forward to our visit next month!!

Some of you have followed my little saga of weaning off my meds, concerns that maybe I need to go back on them, indecision, poopy days, etc.  You have all been so supportive and prayerful on my behalf--it's humbling.  I appreciate the kind comments and sweet emails.  Some of you have been honest with me that you don't know what to do with the whole antidepressants-for-Christians thing--but have been supportive nonetheless.  Thank you.  Special thanks to the Company Girls, who I link up to on Fridays.

So, I am here to tell you today that I am back on the little happy pills. I saw my doctor on Tuesday and started back on Wednesday--building up to half the dose I have been on the past year.  And we'll see if that will do the trick.

Here's where I am with the whole thing...my rambling thoughts on the matter:

First of all, I believe wholeheartedly that some people's brain chemicals are such that medication is needed to help regulate the chemicals needed for proper functioning.  I have close loved ones in this category.  It has nothing to do with their faith, or copping out, or an unwillingness to push through a tough time.  And I am very grateful for the medication that helps them live life to the full.

Where I was struggling was whether or not I was one of those people.  I was surprised when my counsellor, who was helping us through a crisis in our lives, noticed I was depressed.  I am familiar enough with depression in others, I was surprised I hadn't noticed it in myself.  But she, and my doctor were of the opinion that my depression was circumstantial, and with proper treatment my brain would heal from it.  We thought 6 months to a year would do the trick.  At the six month mark, I was dealing with the recent death of my precious niece Sadie, and so doc and I decided to wait.  I had no doubt at the one year mark I would be fine.  I mean, I had some dark seasons before, and I never needed medication.

So somewhere around the one year mark--I started weaning off.  I think I finished my pills sometime in January.

It took a little while, but the cranky came.  The emotional overreaction to minor things.  The fragility.  Some trouble sleeping.    Stink--I knew these weren't good signs.  But I didn't want to run back to the doctor.  I wanted to give it some time...see how it went.  I wasn't in crisis.  I was functioning.  I prayed for wisdom.

I had lots of better days mixed in...but the consistent return of the poopy was evident.  Then an unexpected email (from a friend from the past who has been in the same place emotionally as me) felt sent from God--and I knew He was telling me it was OK.  I wasn't looking for a sign, but I knew it was one from Above.  I felt God was saying--stop gritting your teeth through your days, Dawn and talk to the doctor.  This was confirmed by my family as well (although I appreciate how they patiently let me come to my own conclusion).

Doc says that the medical research is still being done as to why, but the brain learns to make less brain chemicals sometimes.  I had told him of the seasons of depression I think I have had in the past.  At age 20.  Right after I got married. After the birth of my oldest.  And a few more.  I always got through it.  God rescued me from the darkness each time.  The doc told me that my personality type of gutting through stuff is the worst for this--because each time (somehow) my brain was learning a pattern of making less seratonin and other good stuff.  And it seems that the pattern seems too ingrained--I'm not bouncing back this time.

Do I think I would be OK without the meds?  Probably.  My dependence on God is real, and so is His provision.  I can function this way.  The way it feels to me is that as long as everything goes relatively well in my day--I'm fine.  But the emotional apple cart gets toppled way too easily, and it takes an incredible amount of energy to keep myself on track.  With the meds--I have enough of the good brain stuff to be able to handle the inevitable ups and downs of a day without having to exhaust myself trying to keep it together.  That leaves more emotional energy for my family, for my housework, for others God brings to my life, for the ministry He's called me to.

As my email friend mentioned to me--if I had a thyroid problem, I'd take the meds to regulate that.  Why not regulate my brain chemistry?  She's right.  I  don't know why there is a stigma with brain chemistry over any other body needs.  I didn't think I bought into the stigma--but when it came to my own needs, I bought into the idea that I shouldn't need this stuff.  (By the way, I am doing some reflection on "I should/shouldn't" but that's a post for another day).

You know what it is?  It's pride.  Honestly, I would rather not "need" something.  But, who am I kidding?  I need everyday.  I need Help.  Pride says I am independent, but I'm not.  I am very dependent--on God.  Without Him I am nothing.  He is my Rescuer.  If He rescues me this time through medication--I'll take it.

If any of you are still reading this verbal vomit, I thank you.   As I've said before, I'm nothing if not wordy.  :0)

Raise your coffee mug with me and toast to no more posts entitled poopy!

poopy.

Poopy morning today.  By 7 am it already was poopy.

Up too early.  Feeling the hint of a cold, or a headache, or something.  Tired. Tears before I got out of bed.

Feeling unappreciated, taken advantage of, blamed, like no matter how hard I try, I can't win...you know those days.  The way-too-self-focused days.  The poor-me days.  Someone tell me that you have them too?

When they hit so early in the day--I can't just coast until bedtime (although it is tempting to get back in bed and start over!) in a bad mood.  The day must be redeemed--cause it's a gift.

Here's what I'm gonna do:

*  put praise music on while I finish getting dressed.
*  take an advil sinus thingie.  with diet coke.  yes.
*  take my vitamins.
*  have a little something to eat.
*  snuggle up with my Bible for a while and let God talk to me.
*  put on my big girl panties and head into work...determined to be productive since there is much to cross off the list.
*  be gentle with myself, and not beat myself up for having a poopy day.  they happen.
*  be thankful.

Here's to redeeming the day!

This is the day the LORD has made;
       let us rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalm 118:24


What do you do to redeem a day gone south??