The happy-burst didn't last.
Just being honest here, bloggies.
Something you may not know about me is that I currently have a little friend in the shape of a small pill. The name of this particular daily pill begins with a "Z", ends with a "T" and has "OLOF"in the middle. Better living through chemistry, my husband says...yes, antidepressents are a part of my life these days.
We have faced a number of trials in our family over the years--not many compared to some folks--but one recent trial I call The Big Mess. (It deserves those capital letters). The Big Mess happened in the summer of 2008. It was a collision of events and mistakes and affected most areas of our lives. During The Big Mess, I sought counseling. Actually, sought sounds too passive--I RAN to counseling. My counselor, who is a gift from above for sure, was the first to mention my depression. Mahuh? In my life I have lived with depressed people, I have referred people to counseling, I have had my own bout with a bit of post-partum depression. Yet, I didn't realize I was depressed at that point. After consulting with those who love me and with my doctor, I was prescribed Zoloft. We guess at this point that this state is circumstantial and temporary and hopefully my brain will heal completely and I be able to stop taking it. For now, they are working wonderfully and I'm thankful for those little happy pills.
OK, so I may not know much, but I do know that when you are taking these types of meds, and you want to go off of them, you DON'T STOP COLD TURKEY. Unfortunately, that is what I did inadvertantly this week while I battled the flu. I totally forgot to take it. Yikes!
So part way through yesterday I started noticing the little burst of energy and happiness F.A.D.I.N.G....and started noticing the mess, and the deadlines, and the schoolwork piling up for my kids, and the things we forgot about while we were sick, and the MESS! and I felt myself being buried by it all. I was overwhelmed. I don't know about you but when I get overwhelmed I get sort of immobilized--unable to attack the things that are overwhelming me with enough focus to make a difference. I found myself getting frustrated that the kids needed me so much (hello? ...they are sick!!) and that I wasn't making any measurable progress...
And then I saw it. My pill container. (I use one of those grandma days of the week pill things--so hip, I know). In the pill container were my forgotten pills for Tuesday, and Monday, and Sunday and Saturday. Craft! No wonder I was feeling the way I was. So I quickly popped Tuesday's pill...and gathered the kids for a little impromptu family prayer.
I said something like this, "Okay guys, I'm not doing too well at the moment. I'm feeling anxious and overwhelmed and cranky. You might have noticed." (yep, they had). I explained the things that were overwhelming me, and that I had forgotten my pill. I then told them, "OK, I realize I have some choices right now. I could call Daddy and complain about how overwhelmed I am and how much there is to do. I could call Grandma and end up crying about the way I feel. I could keep yelling at you guys. OR I could go the Person who actually has the power to help me right now." I humbly asked my children to pray for me. And they did.
In full disclosure, part of each of their prayers included "please help mom not to be mad at us." Ouch.
In the middle of the prayer, the phone rang. It was my sister wanting to stop by with some goodies for my sickies. I told her fine--but the place was a mess and I was cranky--come on over. She did. And we hung out for a while. Talked about nothing too important...she fixed my email problems...we shopped around etsy for a bit...looked at some pics on facebook together. She didn't stay too long, and I didn't get anything done while she was there...but as she left I realized that I was beginning to feel better. I think taking my mind off of my circumstances for a moment provided a glimmer of peace.
I am reminded of the story of Abraham's servant who was sent to find Isaac a wife. When he got to the land of Abraham's forefathers, the servant stopped and prayed for God to provide a wife. Then the scriptures say that before he had finished praying...God sent Rebekah. God was answering before the prayer was finished! (Read it for yourself in Genesis 24...cool story.)
God was answering our prayers for help before we finished praying as well. Kerry called and was on her way over before we finished asking. She was used by God to change the emotional course of my day...the answer to our prayer. Isn't God cool like that??
And it's never wasted on me when God reminds me how fragile and dependent on Him I am...and that He is ready and willing to come to my aid.
He's cool like that too.