Wednesday, October 14, 2009

my post sounded really hopeful yesterday, huh?

The happy-burst didn't last.

Just being honest here, bloggies.

Something you may not know about me is that I currently have a little friend in the shape of a small pill. The name of this particular daily pill begins with a "Z", ends with a "T" and has "OLOF"in the middle. Better living through chemistry, my husband says...yes, antidepressents are a part of my life these days.

We have faced a number of trials in our family over the years--not many compared to some folks--but one recent trial I call The Big Mess. (It deserves those capital letters). The Big Mess happened in the summer of 2008. It was a collision of events and mistakes and affected most areas of our lives. During The Big Mess, I sought counseling. Actually, sought sounds too passive--I RAN to counseling. My counselor, who is a gift from above for sure, was the first to mention my depression. Mahuh? In my life I have lived with depressed people, I have referred people to counseling, I have had my own bout with a bit of post-partum depression. Yet, I didn't realize I was depressed at that point. After consulting with those who love me and with my doctor, I was prescribed Zoloft. We guess at this point that this state is circumstantial and temporary and hopefully my brain will heal completely and I be able to stop taking it. For now, they are working wonderfully and I'm thankful for those little happy pills.

OK, so I may not know much, but I do know that when you are taking these types of meds, and you want to go off of them, you DON'T STOP COLD TURKEY. Unfortunately, that is what I did inadvertantly this week while I battled the flu. I totally forgot to take it. Yikes!

So part way through yesterday I started noticing the little burst of energy and happiness F.A.D.I.N.G....and started noticing the mess, and the deadlines, and the schoolwork piling up for my kids, and the things we forgot about while we were sick, and the MESS! and I felt myself being buried by it all. I was overwhelmed. I don't know about you but when I get overwhelmed I get sort of immobilized--unable to attack the things that are overwhelming me with enough focus to make a difference. I found myself getting frustrated that the kids needed me so much (hello? ...they are sick!!) and that I wasn't making any measurable progress...

And then I saw it. My pill container. (I use one of those grandma days of the week pill things--so hip, I know). In the pill container were my forgotten pills for Tuesday, and Monday, and Sunday and Saturday. Craft! No wonder I was feeling the way I was. So I quickly popped Tuesday's pill...and gathered the kids for a little impromptu family prayer.

I said something like this, "Okay guys, I'm not doing too well at the moment. I'm feeling anxious and overwhelmed and cranky. You might have noticed." (yep, they had). I explained the things that were overwhelming me, and that I had forgotten my pill. I then told them, "OK, I realize I have some choices right now. I could call Daddy and complain about how overwhelmed I am and how much there is to do. I could call Grandma and end up crying about the way I feel. I could keep yelling at you guys. OR I could go the Person who actually has the power to help me right now." I humbly asked my children to pray for me. And they did.

In full disclosure, part of each of their prayers included "please help mom not to be mad at us." Ouch.

In the middle of the prayer, the phone rang. It was my sister wanting to stop by with some goodies for my sickies. I told her fine--but the place was a mess and I was cranky--come on over. She did. And we hung out for a while. Talked about nothing too important...she fixed my email problems...we shopped around etsy for a bit...looked at some pics on facebook together. She didn't stay too long, and I didn't get anything done while she was there...but as she left I realized that I was beginning to feel better. I think taking my mind off of my circumstances for a moment provided a glimmer of peace.

I am reminded of the story of Abraham's servant who was sent to find Isaac a wife. When he got to the land of Abraham's forefathers, the servant stopped and prayed for God to provide a wife. Then the scriptures say that before he had finished praying...God sent Rebekah. God was answering before the prayer was finished! (Read it for yourself in Genesis story.)

God was answering our prayers for help before we finished praying as well. Kerry called and was on her way over before we finished asking. She was used by God to change the emotional course of my day...the answer to our prayer. Isn't God cool like that??

And it's never wasted on me when God reminds me how fragile and dependent on Him I am...and that He is ready and willing to come to my aid.

He's cool like that too.


Sandy M. said...

I found your blog because you posted a comment on my daughter's blog (neweveryam). I could so identify with your feelings & admire your willingness to openly share your success with Zoloft. Several years ago I too went through clinical depression, brought on by several coinciding circumstances. I believe in the power of prayer, but I also believe God gave man the ability to discover drugs that can help when we need them. One well meaning friend said to me (when she found out I was taking the drug), "I'm going to pray for you that you can get off the drugs right away." I thanked her but later thought, "If I'd told her I have diabetes & I'm now taking insulin, she never would have said that..." It made me realize how little many people know about "better living through chemistry" & how the chemistry of the body can affect the mind. I was on Z. for about a year, then weaned off & have been fine ever since. But I have had many opportunities to share this part of my testimony with so many women & always have some come to me afterwards & tell me how much it meant to them to have a Christian women share that is really is okay to turn to medication when it is needed. Thanks for sharing this on your blog!

dawn said...


Thanks for your kind words. I wasn't trying to be controversial...but I do have a friend or two who aren't so sure about the role medicine vs. prayer and peace from God in depression. I appreciate their honesty that acknowledged their struggle, all the while supporting me. It is confusing. But I believe God could heal my brain lots of ways, but this time He is using medicine. When I had post-partum, a desperate cry out to God resulted in an overnight healing. I'm thankful for whatever way God wants to heal me.

I'm encouraged by your story--not only to keep sharing this, but that your brain healed after a year or so. That is still my hope over here...but I'll make sure I wean under a doctor's supervision as opposed to forgetting to take it for days!! :)

Thanks again!

kerry said...

i LOVE that. God IS SO cool like that. and i love you sissy. i'm glad you're feeling better! xoxo

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

God IS so cool like that. Thanks for sharing your personal battles. I think writing about them not only encourages others, but also helps you process them all. I love this story because even though you knew you were battling something, you went to God right away and he delivered. He's better than Domino's!

Anonymous said...

Dawn, thanks for being so honest. I to have been the same way for several years and have on occasion forgotten to take my pill. Imagine this, silly me thinking that it was ok to go cold turkey from my lexapro as i am about to embark on a two week trip to Europe without my family or my cellphone!

It was not a good mix at all......the boys have taken to asking me if i forgot if i am having a really lousy day. Keeps you humble to say the least!


Bonnie said...

Way cool like that!

Dawn said...

oh, He is so cool. :)

and you are brave to share you stories. and it is so good. i have never been a "pill will fix it" kind of thinker... but after seeing the difference my kids ADD medicine makes, i am sorry i ever nay-sayed it. and my friend once said... if your daughter needed glasses, you'd get them. yup. i would. good for you... for getting what you need.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...


Related keywords:
500 Tramadol
drug store cost for Tramadol
Tramadol vets
c o d shipping for Tramadol
buy Tramadol online cod no prescription
Tramadol with sertraline
drug store cost for Tramadol
online pharmacies Tramadol saturday delivery
[url=]buy Tramadol without a prescription [/url]
medlineplus drug information Tramadol and
cheap online Tramadol
ranitidine Tramadol
Tramadol and food poisoning
Tramadol side effects canines
Tramadol overnight delivery
cash on delivery Tramadol no rx

Related Posts with Thumbnails