Loving Anyway

Each Friday I connect up with the Company Girls to 'chat" about our weeks.  It's a fun little online community that has connected me with wonderful people.

But every Friday seems the same to me as I go to write.  I mention about how it's my day off (which is always a good thing!).  How I hope to catch up on stuff.  Whatever weekend plans I have.

Lately I've had weeks of posts on Pickle's health or my own emotional poopyness.  I'm kinda getting bored with myself!

Yet, many of you are praying, so I feel an update is in order. Here goes:  I'm still really unsure about myself emotionally, but I'm getting tired of talking/writing about it.  This week was slightly better than last, but I may still end up calling the doctor.  I don't trust my emotions right now to be accurate indicators of a situation.  I've asked others this week if it's normal to be upset about this or that. I did have some bright spots I posted about last weekend.  And I've been leaning hard on God and embracing my need for Him.  He has reassured me from His Word over and over, and for this I am truly grateful.  I feel a little out of control, but I feel safe.

So, on to something else today...please!  This morning I read a little article from a Focus on the Family newsletter about not just loving because (fill in the blank) but about loving anyway.  It made me think of my wonderful man, and our relationship.  I think that we have a beautiful relationship--because it truly is about loving anyway.  Don't get me wrong, there are lots of reasons to love because....LOTS.  But, we've had our things.  Both the big things that have rocked our world, and the little day-to-day things that sometimes are hardest to deal with.

at a dear friend's wedding rehearsal 12/08

Frankly, this hasn't been the best week of our marriage.  It has been far (FAR!) from the worst...but not a banner week.  My emotional ups and downs, his work-stress and back pain, and busyness have not helped.  We've been missing each other, misunderstanding each other, and not always having the energy or motivation to even talk it out.  When our mutual frustrations were finally expressed, it wasn't in a calm, fair manner....but in a late night, about to fall asleep, burst of emotion.

However, the strong undercurrent is still love.  Acceptance.  Of each other.  Of each other's stuff.  We are long past the self-righteous assumptions of I'm doing everything right and you're the one to blame.  (although we still go there at times, I admit).  We are well-acquainted with each other's shortfalls, and our own.  We each know we bring some, shall we say, "craft" to the table.

Hawaii 2009

I'm so glad we embrace often.  Even when we are too wiped to talk.  In the embrace comes the reassurance of love in spite of what we are dealing with at the moment.  Real love.  Love anyway.

We never finished our late night emotional burst conversation.  We didn't need to.  We've been here before, we get it.  We awoke with the unstated realization that the things that were bothering us were just symptoms of the week we had been having and our neglect to counteract them proactively.  Yes, we both need to pay better attention to us when we are struggling--and we didn't get an A+ this week on that.  But we love deeply.  We love anyway.

That's how God loves us--anyway.  We don't deserve His love, in spite of our efforts to try and have Him love us because.  He is well aware of our stuff--the stuff we have no choice about, and the stuff we choose.  He loves us anyway.

It is His love that enables us to love each other anyway.  I'm so thankful.